


Amends

by 29PiecesOfMe



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Ending, Angels, Castiel Whump, Dean to the Rescue, Episode Remix, Family, Feels, Forgiveness, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Protective Dean, Protective Sam, Whump
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-03
Updated: 2017-03-03
Packaged: 2018-09-28 04:05:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,469
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10070687
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/29PiecesOfMe/pseuds/29PiecesOfMe
Summary: With Lily Sunder gunning for the angels who had killed her daughter, Ishim must have known it was only a matter of time before she caught up with him, too. But what if, instead of hoping Cas would help him fight her, he had other plans for the angel? Plans that don't involve Cas surviving... An alternate version of 12x10! More whump, and plenty of TFW feels.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Happy Friday, everyone! I'm back with another oneshot! Okay so I'm just gonna be honest, this is me shamelessly throwing more whump into an already whumpy episode ^_^ So this is just an alternate version of the ending for 12x10.
> 
> Thanks Aini Nufire for beta reading! I don't own the boys. Or the girls, for that matter. Or Ishim, who is NOT one of the boys. Oh, you get the gist.

Dean's heart was racing as he sped back towards the old church where Cas was. Where Cas was, _alone_ with Ishim. Alone with a crazed, dickbag of an angel who had killed an innocent little girl just because the chick he was obsessed with hadn't returned the affection. And Ishim hadn't seemed like Cas's number one fan, all of which was leaving the hunter with a very, very bad feeling.

And then Cas hadn't answered his phone.

Jumping out of the Impala as soon as he'd put her in park, Dean hurried for the door. Inside, he paused in the dark, the shadows broken only by sluggish beams of light peeping through the windows to showcase the swirling dust. He took a deep breath; he needed to stay calm, to not play his hand too soon. No sense tipping Ishim off that he knew the whole story.

Swallowing, Dean moved from the hall into the sanctuary, wary eyes darting around in search of the angels.

"Cas?" he called in a hoarse whisper. Maybe if he could get his friend aside and warn him, they could take Ishim by surprise. "Cas!"

There was no reply… and no sign of the angel. _Either_ angel. Which didn't mean anything, really, Dean reminded himself. He swallowed hard. Right, maybe they'd just gone to grab some coffee and a shitload of sugar. Totally plausible. Really.

"Cas!" Dean called again, raising his voice as much as he dared. Damn it, where were they? The hunter's nervous eyes couldn't help but scan the floor, praying with all his might that there wouldn't be any blood or wing prints.

God, what if Ishim had done something to Cas, and he and Dean never got to work out the bad air they'd had between them? What if…?

But the floor was clear, no different from how he and Sam had left it. Dean shook his head and snapped, "Damn it, Cas, where are you?"

"He's right here."

Dean whirled as he heard the voice, heart dropping into his stomach when Ishim's reply was followed by a soft, muffled exclamation. From a shadowed corner, the two angels finally emerged. Dean's gaze fell immediately on Cas, and his gut twisted. A strip of duct tape covered his friend's mouth, preventing him from yelling a warning, while his hands had been pulled behind him—Dean could see Ishim's fist clenched around the end of a length of chain.

Ishim stood just behind Cas, his other hand wound in the trench coat as he forced the angel farther into the light in front of him. Dean met Cas's eyes, seeing exhaustion and betrayed disbelief. Ishim must have taken him by surprise, the hunter realized. And it looked like Cas had healed him, unknowingly strengthening his own captor while believing he was aiding an ally.

_Damn it, Cas…_

"Let him go," Dean snarled, whipping out the angel blade he'd brought just in case. "I'm only gonna say it once."

Ishim regarded him with amusement, cracking a grin and then laughing. "Or… what?" he taunted the hunter. Releasing his grip on Cas's coat, Ishim lifted a foot and kicked the other angel in the back of the legs, hard enough that Cas stumbled forward and tripped to his knees.

Dean gritted his teeth, hearing the metallic rattle of chains clattering on the church floor. He could see the manacles now, trapping the angel's wrists, as well as the long chain connected to them that Ishim still held. When Cas tried to surge back up to his feet, it took only a harsh tug on the chain for the other angel to yank him back down.

The hunter's blood boiled to see Cas treated like this, recalling far too many occasions when his best friend had been beaten by a supposed "brother".

"I said stop!" Dean shouted, brandishing the weapon. He heard Cas trying to say something, muffled by the gag, and knowing Cas it was probably a plea for Dean to run.

Like _that_ was going to happen.

Ishim just smiled, a dark, intense expression lighting in his eyes as he slowly drew a blade of his own and pointed it at Cas's unprotected back. "No."

Shit, this was not going their way. Dean's jaw clenched, weighing his odds of taking on a fully healed angel before Ishim could hurt Cas. His friend's tired eyes were still pleading for Dean to make good on his escape, but that wasn't an option. Maybe it was time for plan B.

Reaching into his coat, Dean jerked out the small bit of cardboard he'd been hiding, already covered in a symbol still half-sticky with blood. His eyes narrowed as he snarled,

"Did you think I'd come in unprepared, knowing what you did? Let him go. _Now_. Or else I blast your ass to kingdom come."

It would banish Cas, too, and Dean hated that… but if it got him away from Ishim, they would deal with having to track him down again.

The other angel, however, stared at Dean for a second with hilarity in his eyes before he started to laugh again. Gesturing with a wide sweep of his arms, Ishim invited, "Please! You go right ahead, you stupid ape. Banish us."

Ignoring Cas's muffled grumble and attempt to shake him off, Ishim shoved his captive down and forward and jerked up on the chain. Doubled over, Cas winced as his wrists were hauled up into the air, the visibly uncomfortable position giving Dean a better view of the manacles.

"These sigils?" Ishim went on, nodding to the etchings the hunter hadn't previously noticed. "Binds an angel completely. Not that Castiel requires the heavy duty stuff anymore, weak as he is."

A heated surge of rage flooded through Dean's veins, especially when Cas's eyes turned down. His hand continued to hover uncertainly over the banishing sigil, watching Ishim.

"So go ahead," the angel repeated with a sneer. "Have you ever seen what happens to an angel when they're banished while wearing binding chains? They can't go," he said, tugging the chain again to illustrate, before nodding to the prepared sigil. "And they can't stay. Ripped apart by two opposing forces. So if that's really the card you want to play, you should know that _I'll_ get thrown to the four winds, yes, but I'll make my way back again. Castiel on the other hand?"

Ishim's smile widened as he shrugged nonchalantly. "You'll be cleaning pieces of him off the walls for years to come."

Dean swallowed hard. He couldn't be sure if Ishim was bluffing, but Cas wasn't making any attempt to signal a lie. From the tense way he held himself even when Ishim released the pressure on his arms, the hunter could only assume it was true. And with Cas's life in the balance, it wasn't a bluff he was willing to call.

Biting his lip, Dean wavered, then slowly let his hands fall down to his sides. The cardboard slipped to the ground; as long as Cas was in those chains, it was useless to him.

Ishim gave him a smug sneer, then nodded to Dean's other hand. "Now the blade," he ordered. "Toss it over here."

With a furious glare, Dean clenched his jaw and threw the weapon down at Ishim's feet, ready to dash forward if Cas decided to try going for it.

He didn't. Ishim scooped the weapon up and turned, paying out the slack of the long chain to a nearby pillar supporting the arched ceiling of the church. It took nothing for him to drive the blade through the chain links like a spike, tethering Cas in place. Finished, Ishim headed back towards the row of decrepit pews.

Dean took the opportunity to hurry to his friend's side, kneeling down in front of Cas and taking the angel gingerly by the sides of his head. "Are you hurt?" the hunter demanded, scanning the usual places for any signs of blood or bruising. Even taken unawares, Cas would have fought back. "Did he hurt you?"

Unable to speak, Cas could only shake his head, though Dean continued his mental inventory just to be sure. Cas looked okay, just drained, probably an aftereffect of healing Ishim. Angrily, the hunter reached up to try removing the tape gagging his friend.

"Ah ah," Ishim snapped, already heading back towards them with his angel blade raised in clear threat and a roll of duct tape in hand. "Leave it."

"Screw you!"

The other angel's face darkened as he took another malevolent step forward. "You will do as I say, you stupid mammal," Ishim seethed, flipping the angel blade in his hand to an overhand grip in preparation to strike. "Or I will leave him bloody on the floor. Either is fine."

So, what, he was supposed to just sit there and _not_ do even that much to help his best friend? Dean continued to glare at Ishim, though he glanced at Cas when he saw movement from the corner of his eye. The angel shook his head warningly and pulled back from the hunter. Dean knew he was right, that pushing Ishim wouldn't help, but he hated this feeling of helplessness.

Dropping his hand to Cas's shoulder instead, Dean growled,

"Why are you doing this? Why Cas? He didn't even _know._ "

"No," Ishim agreed as Cas tensed up, wariness returning to his blue gaze as he looked between Dean and Ishim. The other angel dropped his threatening stance, returning to cool aloofness. "No, he didn't, but I figured Lily might spin you a tall tale, and I'm betting he'd be the first on your list to pass it on to."

"A tall tale," Dean snorted. "You mean, what _really_ happened?"

Cas grunted into the gag, nudging Dean with his shoulder in an obvious demand for answers.

"You mean, that little girl you murdered," Dean went on, eyes blazing with hatred for this despicable son of a bitch. "How she wasn't a Nephilim at all?"

The choked sound from Cas left Dean's heart clenching, knowing his friend was going to be devastated, but not having time to break it to him gently. He shook his head, still glaring.

"Yeah, that's right. Her name was May. She was pure human and you _knew_ it. You knew Akobel wasn't there to father a child or whatever. He was there to protect Lily from _you_."

Cas's head whipped to the side so he could stare up at Ishim with unadulterated horror in his eyes, another strangled cry torn from his throat into the gag. Ishim stared down at the two with crossed arms and unimpressed eyes. There was no remorse there, Dean realized… not a drop.

"Sorry, Cas," the hunter added, voice dropping. "He played you. And Benjamin, and all of them. Akobel and May were both innocent."

Breathing heavily, storm clouds brewing in Cas's pain-filled eyes, the angel shook his head and then lunged towards Ishim. A harsh backhand threw him back down onto the floor on his side with a rattle of chains.

"Hey!" Dean shouted, on his feet in less than the span of a heartbeat. He froze when he saw the angel blade hovering a scant centimeter from his face.

Ishim wasn't smiling anymore, piercing glare leveled at the hunter. "Storytime's over," he snapped. "Doesn't matter. Lilly's going to hunt us down until we're _all_ dead. And me? I'm not about to let her do that. Obviously she's picked up some tricks along the way, though, which means I have to do this smart."

Dean's eyes shot to the chained and gagged Castiel. "So that's what this is," he murmured. "Cas is the bait." He looked back at Ishim, nothing but scathing disdain in his glare. "You'd dangle one of your own on a hook and let her kill him, just to save your own ass."

Ishim shrugged. "Can't have him carrying tales to any of the other angels."

"Why you-"

"You, on the other hand," Ishim went on. "You weren't part of this plan and honestly, I don't _need_ you."

With a gesture of the angel's blade, Dean found himself flung away from Cas, hitting the front row of pews with a splintering of wood. Cas's muffled yells and the slow, firm footfalls were enough to tell the hunter that he was in trouble. A hand grabbed him by the front of his shirt, jerking him off the floor just to slam him down again.

"DHNN!" Cas was trying to shout. The chains rattled and then clinked to a halt.

Winded, Dean could barely lift his head to see Cas straining to reach him, chain fully taut as the angel fought against the bonds. He'd obviously been drained too much to pull free, though. Well, this didn't look good. Dean's vision blurred. He had no weapon to fight with… he was going to die. And he still hadn't fixed things with Cas, not really.

"Hey, Cas…" he croaked out loud, his friend's blue eyes standing out against the rest of the background, giving him something to focus on. "Sorry…"

Then Ishim appeared over him, and raised his hand.

SPN SPN SPN

Castiel was reeling from everything that had happened, everything he'd learned. The handcuffs biting into his wrists as he desperately fought to pull free of the pillar left him even weaker than he already felt, but that pain couldn't begin to compare with the devastation in his heart.

Ishim had betrayed him. Betrayed all of them.

Castiel had never suspected, never seen it coming when his brother had grabbed him from behind and wrestled him to the floor as he'd sat recovering. He hadn't understood what reason Ishim could possibly have for the betrayal, but now it was all becoming clear.

Akobel… May, the little girl… both innocent. Both dead in part because of Castiel. Even if he hadn't known, even if he hadn't struck the killing blow, he had been party to their murder. He had read false accusations against a blameless brother. He had stood aside and allowed May to be slaughtered. Castiel had done monstrous things before, but this… it was little wonder Lily was coming after the angels now.

Castiel tried to lunge forward at his captor again, feeling the chain snap taut from his efforts. His feet slid on the floor, gaining no ground. He had to at _least_ save Dean from this, but he was well and truly trapped, forced to watch helplessly as his traitorous brother stood over his best friend.

"Do you want me to spare him, Castiel?" Ishim asked casually over his shoulder.

Castiel frowned, pausing in his struggles as he waited for Ishim to reveal whatever trick that was meant to be. Dean still looked dazed, one hand held weakly up to ward Ishim off, for all the good it would do.

Ishim chuckled. "I'm serious. I'll let the stupid ape live. But all of that depends on you, Castiel." He turned around to face the angel, one foot settling on Dean's stomach and pressing hard enough to make the hunter groan.

Castiel jerked at his chains again in anger, but they continued to hold.

"Here's the deal," Ishim went on. "The ape was right. I need you to draw her in and… keep her distracted. From me, obviously. I can kill her if I can get a shot in. If she's too busy killing you, I'll have time to finish her off. So…"

The angel pressed down harder into Dean's gut. The hunter groaned again, but seemed to be coming out of the stupor as he tried to physically push Ishim off of him.

"…If you cooperate in this," Ishim offered, "and play your part as the live bait so I can kill her, I'll let the Winchester go when all this is over. I mean, _you'll_ be dead either way," he added. "But at least your prized pet can go home. So which should it be for him? The tape or the blade?"

"Cas, don't just _let_ her kill you-"

Dean was cut off by a harsh stomp to his stomach, leaving the hunter winded again. Castiel tried to shout for Ishim to stop, but it was lost in the gag.

"Or," Ishim finished, "I could just finish him off right now and get him out of my hair. It's up to you, Castiel. Are you going to play by my rules?"

Castiel yanked against his restraints with an angry, anxious scowl. Even as he struggled, though, he already knew what he would do, what he _had_ to do.

He couldn't trust Ishim, of course. If the other angel succeeded in killing Lily Sunder, it was almost certain that he would kill Dean anyways, because even Ishim couldn't be foolish enough to leave Dean Winchester alive. But agreeing to play along would buy them some time, and maybe his friend could work himself free. Better to give the hunter a slim chance than to allow him no chance at all.

"No, Cas!"

But there was no choice. Swallowing, Castiel angrily met Ishim's anticipatory eyes and gave a curt nod of his head.

"Good."

Castiel watched with alarm and helpless rage as Ishim tucked his blade away and tore off a strip of the duct tape and gagged Dean the same way he'd gagged Castiel. Though the hunter tried to push Ishim away, it took no time at all before Dean was trussed up with more strips of tape, too tightly to fight. Finished, Ishim raised a hand once more. His power hit Dean in the face with a concussive force, knocking the hunter out cold despite Castiel's furious growl.

"Now," Ishim said as he grabbed Dean by an arm and started dragging him towards the pulpit. "I'll be back here waiting. You'll be dead soon, so I guess this is goodbye, Castiel."

He disappeared behind the wooden pulpit, leaving Castiel to his rage and his pain. Silence fell over the old church, echoing as only an abandoned house of God could. Castiel slumped on his knees, once more testing the chains that held him. They refused to give, of course, as he'd known they would. Besides, breaking free now would get Dean killed.

He didn't have long to wait. Still kneeling on the floor, Castiel lifted his bowed head as he heard the door of the church open. This was it, then. The angel's heart throbbed with sudden pain for Lily, for what she must have suffered, for what had been torn away from her through no fault of her own. He hoped suddenly that after she had killed him, she would kill Ishim, and perhaps find some peace at last.

But the heavy, booted feet brought not Lily, but Sam. Castiel's eyes widened as he met the hunter's horrified gaze.

"Cas!" Sam shouted, dashing forward with no heed to whatever danger there might be. Over the hunter's shoulder, Castiel saw Lily following behind.

His throat caught; he hoped she would spare the Winchesters.

"Lily, no!" Sam shouted, turning as he seemed to realize the woman was advancing with raised blade.

"Castiel was one of them," she snapped, but the hunter only shook his head and held up a hand.

"Just wait," he urged. "Please. Let me help him. Just wait and let him talk. You've waited this long."

Lily's eyes narrowed, but she didn't reply or advance further.

"Did Ishim do this?" Sam demanded as he knelt in front of Castiel and peeled the tape away with a wince. "Sorry… sorry. Where's Dean? Where's Ishim?"

He had agreed to be the bait, and he had kept his word. But Castiel had never said he wouldn't answer any questions they had for him first.

"They're behind the pulpit," he croaked out. "It's a trap. Sam, get Dean out of here! Run!"

"Too late for that." Ishim's livid form burst from concealment, one hand already raised to fling Sam away from Castiel and send him crashing against what remained of the altar. The hunter went down in a heap.

"Ishim… no," Lily Sunder hissed, wielding a blade of her own. Her glare was fixated on Ishim, the two leveling off as Castiel fought against his chains with renewed vigor.

"Hello, my love," Ishim retorted with a sneer. Any more words were drowned out by the clashing and clanging of angel blades.

Castiel couldn't just sit there, he needed to act, to help begin to make amends for his sin. It wouldn't raise the dead, but it was the right thing to do.

Sometimes, doing the right thing required sacrifice.

Though he was already so weary, Castiel forced himself to scoot back towards the pillar, giving himself some slack in the chain. The angel blade had been dug into the column too high for him to reach with his hands behind his back, but… perhaps if he could maneuver himself around…

Ishim grunted in pain in the background as Lily slammed the pommel of her blade into his face, twice in quick succession. He flung her away from him, but she was quick on her feet and darted back in with another silver streak of her celestial blade.

Castiel kept half his attention on the battle, while the rest of his focus turned to his own predicament. It was a struggle with the bulky trench coat, but he managed to get his chained hands under him and start to wrangle his legs through to the other side. The angel gritted his teeth as it strained his wrists, the manacles digging in deeply enough to draw blood.

Finally, he wrested first one and then the other leg through so that his bound hands were in front of him.

"I will never be powerless again," Lily snarled from somewhere close by. Ishim was thrown against a wall, a look of surprise on his face shifting into cold determination.

"You can't hold me here forever," he seethed.

Worse, Castiel realized, Ishim was right.

Whatever strange power Lily was using, however she was using it, it wasn't going to be enough. Castiel watched with dismay as Ishim took a jerky step forward, then another. Lily's extended hand trembled slightly as she fought harder to hold the angel back.

Turning, Castiel threw all his weight against the chain, earning nothing but cold metal digging deeper into the cuts forming. He grunted with exertion, then gave it up to reach for the angel blade itself, keeping his chain trapped to the column. If he could just get it free…

Lily exhaled sharply, obviously throwing more power against Ishim, but still the angel was gaining ground. Castiel's desperation doubled. If Ishim won, the Winchesters and Castiel were all going to die. Silently begging the blade to come loose, the angel levered himself against it again.

Finally, with a thick groan of metal, Castiel managed to pull the weapon free. He whirled; Ishim stood before Lily, a look of triumph on his face as he prepared to strike the killing blow.

Expression blank, no joy in what he had to do, Castiel deftly plunged the blade into his brother's back.

Ishim's body seized as he was run all the way through, the tip of the blade emerging bloody through his chest. Light, brilliant and blinding, flooded the room. Just as it had when they had killed Akobel. Just as it had when too many other angels had died, some cut down by Castiel himself, some only paying the price for his choices. Castiel would do this because it was necessary, but he would not do it with relish.

Castiel wrenched the blade back out again, allowing Ishim's broken body to collapse to the floor with a dull thud. Already the charred marks scarred the ground in the shape of wing prints.

Too weary now to raise a hand in self-defense, Castiel sank down to his knees. Lily stood several feet away, expression shocked but still broiling with rage and grief.

"You held him off long enough," he murmured. Nothing else mattered.

Even when her jaw clenched, even when her blade rose, Castiel couldn't fight her. He watched the woman with sadness in his eyes, waiting for the end to come.

Instead, his view of Lily was blocked suddenly by two men racing to come between them. Sam must have gotten Dean awake, Castiel thought tiredly.

"That's enough," Dean snapped, no room in his voice for argument. Well, Castiel was going to argue anyway.

"Dean," he whispered. "Don't. Just go." Before Lily cut them down to reach him. Revenge had a way of blinding people to all collateral damage.

"No," Sam answered for both of them. The tall hunter reached back with one hand, finding Cas's shoulder even as he kept his eyes on the woman. "Lily, stop."

"You don't understand," Lily whispered. "You don't know-"

"We know enough," Dean interrupted. "And we know the only thing that matters, and that's that if you wanna kill Cas, you're gonna have to take us down first."

"No, Dean," Castiel urged.

"I don't kill humans," the woman reminded them.

Sam squeezed Castiel's shoulder gently, as he declared, "Well, you'll have to. He's with us."

Even with the threat of imminent death looming over him, Castiel couldn't help but feel a surge of warmth revitalizing his numbed limbs. Though he dearly wanted them to run and get themselves safe, their genuine loyalty and refusal to leave him behind in the face of danger filled his heart with strength; strength enough to look between the two men and meet Lily's grieving eyes.

"I'm sorry." Castiel shook his head, not looking away, accepting the guilt. "I was wrong. I… I was deceived, and because of that, committed a worse sin than what we accused Akobel of. We killed an innocent." _Two_ innocents. "I truly can't imagine the depths of your loss."

But he would not beg her to change her mind. Why should she? Castiel wasn't eager to die, but neither was he willing to raise a blade to a woman who had lost so much because of him.

Lily was regarding him, the hatred in her one good eye slowly slipping back into the recesses of her soul, replaced by a cool blankness. "Revenge is all I've had for over a hundred years," she said. "It's what I am."

"Wrong answer," Dean snapped, stepping closer to Castiel protectively.

"You killed Ishim," the woman went on, ignoring Dean to focus on the angel. Her brows furrowed, almost confused. "And now you're more concerned for these two than for your own life."

Castiel swallowed. "Yes," he murmured. "They've done nothing. All I ask is- please understand, I'm the last of the ones responsible. The other angels… no one else was involved. You have no cause to hunt any more of them."

"Cas," Dean growled, but the angel ignored this as he fought his way to his feet and shouldered his way past the two, the chain links clinking against each other as he moved. Castiel would rather die standing tall.

Still, Lily didn't strike. Her hands fell to her side, gaze latched onto Castiel as she shook her head. "You… you're not like Ishim," she said. "You're more like Akobel. You actually care, don't you?"

Humbly, Castiel dipped his head. He'd been told that he cared _too_ much, though he couldn't fathom how this was a true weakness. Akobel had cared. And yes, he had died… but he had died still _good._ That wasn't weakness, but strength.

For a moment, the four stood, tense and unsure, but finally Lily took a step back.

Castiel couldn't say he didn't feel a measure of relief making its way through his exhaustion and pain. Giving her another nod, the angel murmured, "Ishim must have hidden May's soul in Heaven where it wouldn't be discovered. I'll see to it that she's found… it'll do more good than my word to clear your daughter's name. And Akobel's."

"Thank you," Lily said. The woman's eyes flicked once more to Sam and Dean, and then she turned and walked away.

The silence continued for a second, until they heard the sound of the church door swinging closed once again. Sam and Dean broke the stillness as one, pulling Castiel around and talking over each other in an anxious rush.

"Cas, you alright?"

"Damn it, your hands…"

"Just hang in there, hang on."

"Where's the keys? Sammy, check Ishim's pockets."

"On it. Cas, we're gonna get those off."

"Damn him, wish I'd been able to get in a couple hits of my own…"

Sam straightened back up again with a jangling of keys, reaching for Castiel's bound wrists. The manacles fell away, releasing the angel's grace, or what was left of it at the moment. It would take some time before he was fully back to his new normal, after giving up so much to heal Ishim. Foolishly, it seemed now.

"Come on," Dean said firmly. "Let's get you out of here."

"Dean, wait." The angel sighed as the two Winchesters pulled up short, regarding him. Castiel shook his head and looked away. "I…"

They waited a moment, before Dean finally spoke up. "Cas, listen, none of this is on you. You get that, right?"

"It's just… perhaps some of my choices _do_ need to be questioned," Castiel admitted. "And I know that you're angry with me-"

"No, come on," Dean interrupted, before heaving a sigh. "Look. I'm not… _mad_ , okay? The thing with Billie… I'm worried. I'm worried about _you_. You heard her, cosmic consequences, the whole nine. I don't know what that means, but the thought that something's gonna happen to you because of it… yeah, that scares the hell outta me. Alright?"

"Me too," Sam jumped in, watching Cas with anxious eyes. "I mean, look, no matter how crazy things have gotten, you've never backed down. And that, that takes real strength. What you did took strength. But I don't want you to pay the price for that. I don't want you sacrificing yourself for _us_."

Castiel eyed the hunter and shook his head, perplexed. "But you're my friends. You're my-"

"We're family," Dean finished, grabbing the angel's arm with a nod of solidarity. "Which is exactly why I've had to have this same damn talk with Sam, more times than I can count."

"In between making the exact same calls himself," added Sam with a wry look. "We know why you did it, Cas. We always knew why. And thank you… I don't think we've thanked you for it yet. You saved us, and you saved Mom, and… and we'll figure out the rest."

The angel glanced at Dean, waiting to see if he would refute this, but the older hunter met his look with his usual stubborn frown. "I don't regret what I did," Castiel couldn't help but add. "Even if it costs me my life."

He did, however, feel bad for saying the words aloud when he saw the visible spasms of pain cross the two brothers' faces.

"Don't say that," Sam whispered, swallowing. "Cas, don't _ever_ say that."

"We won't _let_ it cost your life. And, uh, speaking of saying things," Dean added as he rubbed the back of his neck and looked away. "The way Ishim talked down to you… man, it really pissed me off. And, um… maybe I kinda come across the same way sometimes. But I want you to know, I don't- I'm not…"

He seemed to be floundering for words, but Castiel had an idea what the hunter was trying to say. Starting to feel better, the angel clasped his friend's shoulder and stated,

"Dean… you're an ass." Castiel's mouth quirked up into a smile as Dean blinked in surprise, then finished, "But you're not him. Don't worry. I can tell the difference between insults born of true disrespect, and cheap shots from a 'poorly trained monkey'."

"Oh, so _that's_ how it's gonna be," Dean retorted, but he was grinning now as well. He pulled the angel in for a quick, firm hug. "It's good to have you back, Cas."

"One other thing he was wrong about," Sam added, jerking his head towards the door. "You do have a home. Come on… let's get back to it."

Yes. Home. Feeling some strength start to return, his friends close enough to support him if his tired legs gave out, Castiel turned to leave. Perhaps he would go find the grave where they had buried Akobel's vessel. Though Akobel was long gone, he wanted to pay respects, perhaps murmur a prayer of apology. And there was still Lucifer's child to find. Castiel didn't know what was going to come next, but he knew he'd be facing it with Sam and Dean at his side.


End file.
